you

Rightfully..you're right..
it's actually none of your business..


just that i wanted to let the anger/sadness/or whatever feeling out..

from the start..i didnt even said that you're involved..
i just said that he said that " bla bla bla"

dont know why is everyone thinking that i'm involving you..
and maybe due of what he said made me feel that i'm living under your shawdow..
feeling insecure..and all..

maybe you may think that the shadow had never been there..
cause you're not the one under it..

maybe you feel that you had nothing to hide..
but the closeness between both of you..
or the pictures that i seen..
just make me feel more uneasy..

i dont deny both of you are good friends..
but..doesnt mean that all girls can accept their bf to have a very close friend..
esp, one that has a story behind it..
at least, for me..i couldnt take it..

but he hide things from me..
and ya..coz he's afriad that i think too much..

so,if there is nothing to hide..why did he lied?i've no idea..
so.. i made assumptions..
assumptions that never had been there..
assumptions that made things more complicated and difficult..

i do admit that he's a very good friend..
he was a good bf..initally..
maybe i expected too much..or i'm too paranoid..

he couldnt understand why i acted this way..
dunno what i needed to stay clam.. maybe i'm too hot tempered..
neither can i understand why he have to do such things..

coz he didnt know how to handle..
or both of us doesnt know how to handle..
or just say that we dont fit into each other's world..

i cant accept his everything..
i cant accept that he is very different from me..
i cant accept his past..
i cant accept what he like..
i cant be less paranoid..
i cant be contented..
i cant control my temper..

i couldn't kan de kai..
i couldn't pretend that i dont care..
i couldn't pretend nothing happened..
i couldn't accept the reasons why he lied..

i didnt have confidence..
i didnt walk out of the shadow..
i didnt see it as simple..

i assume..
i think too much..
i care too much..
i afraid too much..

most important..i dunno what i SHOULD be saying..
and what i SHOULDN'T be saying..

which is a good lesson for me..

just wanted people to think in another angle..
b4 they start their heroic act..

i'm at fault..no one to blame..
it's me..doesnt know how to handle r/s,
properly..
i's me that started all these..
so..come,point all the arrows to me..
shoot me with all that all you've got..

are all of you happy now?

and you're right..
the choice is mine..
and i de things i do..made this r/s comes to an end..

i'm just not as magnanimous/as cheerful/as 董事..

but still..i dont feel as much guilt as i thought i would feel..
maybe i feel that, i'm not the only hand to make a clap..

so..from today onwards..
i choose to delete anyone related to this..
out of my world..


*note*
if you just happen to see me out there in the streets..
just happen that if you're wondering should you smile or nod..

just dont..