Disappointment

noun
1. a feeling of dissatisfaction that results when
your expectations are not realized
2. an act (or failure to act) that disappoints someone

many a time, i feel so disappointed.. cause, when i look forward to somethings/
events/results/promises..they eventually turn their back against me..
inculding work,family,friendship and of cause relationship..

For today and yesterday as an instance..
i felt great disappointment..as things didnt turn out as what i expected it to be..
especially it comes from someone you love..it hurt you even more..

i want my love to be happy..so i compromise..
example: yesterday's incident, i was thinking to myself..

"aiya, its okie la..i still have got tmr to look forward to."

well..then i came the tmr i was talking about..
my love didnt actaully told me directly that he felt that he wanted to accompany his family..
i know how he feel..didnt get to accompany his family for 2 weeks..
i ought to give some space and time for his family..

i was thinking if maybe i could accompany his parents too..
but they're planning to watch a show i've watch b4..
not that i mind watching movie with them again..but i did the same thing just yesterday..

then he was suggesting..maybe i can meet you on sunday morning
for breakfast and accompany till noon..
Which, i want him to rest on sundays..at the comfort of his own home..
do the things he want to do and relax..instead of spending the time accompany me..

or..meet me after the show with his parents..
well..i didnt want him to travel..
as he already telling me how mentally and physically shag he is..

i was caught in a dilemma so was he..
on one hand, he promised he will make the friday & saturday for me after his field camp..
one part is the promise,the other part..i really yearn to spent personal time with him..
after 6days of worrying and praying..

on the other hand, he also wish to accompany his family(i also want him to accompany his family),which i felt it wouldnt be so nice..if i join them..they also need to spent some personal time together..

maybe i'm pms-ing..and i know by writing it here doesnt really help..
but well..i guess this is the best place for me to jot down my feelings..

sometimes..i really hope that i'll make that good girlfriend of his..
you know..letting him has his own freedom & times with friends/family/himself..
where his friends/family will say:"wah..your gf so good ar..

but..sometimes i just cant help by thinking,"den what about me?" & feeling upset..
am i being selfish? or what i'm doing/thinking/saying puts him in a even more hamburger-ed situation? i want him to be happy..but yet..i'm un-happy..
yes, i want him to accompany his family..but i also want him to accompany me..

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???????