emo shit

okie..emo post..listening to '' a jupiter fantasy''..

this song kinda let me clam down abit..

well.. i've sudden emotional outburst again..

but this time..i couldnt find anyone to talk to..even serying..

feeling very disheartening..

somehow i feel that everyone is putting a false front..

or perhaps i'm reading into it too much..

somehow i felt that,serying somehow changed?

or is it me?

we're learning driving together, as in at the same time..

but..somehow..she kinda reluctant to let me know her progress at 1st..

like telling me..''i got something to do..''

so, since she dont wan to say..i also dont wan to prob in to much..

but that ''something to do''..is mearly learning driving..

why she want to make it so personal? afraid that i'll learn faster than her? or something?

am i tinking too much?

i'm very ego..cant realli take critics..

but..after listening to critics..i'll still give a thought about it..

eg: the way i'm speaking..

i'm already being very careful with words, at the alumni blog.. or infront of the alumni..

but..still keep saying the wrong things..

or maybe is people is trying very hard to read in between my words?

WTH IS WRONG WITH ME?

FORGET IT..

next..WTH IS WRONG WITH ALL THE ALUMNI?

L back stab N,S,Y..

dunno if P know about all these?should i tell him? or shouldnt?

okie..i think P knows..but he choose to keep quiet..

sometimes.. i really salute P, coz i really feel that, he really knows how to handle PR really well..

unlike me..haix..

L is forming up army with V..against N,S,Y..

and N,S,Y is forming up army as well..

and yup, my bro and i is kiap in between..coz we chose to be neutral..

but N is tryin to brainwash us..

saying that he's blur..wtf?

if he can say L back stabbed them..and want to closen the gap and shits..

means tt he's not blur la..N also wan to climb up the ladder as much as L loh..

that's why N is building up army too..if N is blur..or dont care about position and stuff.

N can just leave..but no.. N WANT it..that's y N is trying so hard to fight with L..

i also not blur one okie..stop trying to make me think in a way u want me to think.

maybe when one day..i cant freaking take it anymore..i'll just leave..

and before i leave i'll make sure all of u end up like shit..

or maybe just leave..

its a band, we're musicians..musicians love music, love playing music..

music playing is supposed to be enjoyable..the feeling of being in the world of music..

is just simply wonderful..

but..i dont thing this is happening to the alumni..

which is very upsetting.

everyone is fighting..fighting for a place to stand..

AND I WAN TO STAY OUT OF ALL THESE..

i dont want to get involved in all these politics..

I JUST WANT TO PLAY MUSIC..

================================

another thing..

i'm neither there nor there..

dunno to study..or to work..

music theory.. wanted to take grade 5..but standard not there..

no one to teach also..not P, not L, not V, not N.. i dont wan any of the above..

driving..still stalling like shit..

when can i drive properly..

drive okie..not even parking yet..

design..every time i want to design something..

it always turn out to be another..

wth..sianz..

and i guess..i let huiqin know too much..

she rather find kai go blogger meeting..

instead of me..

coz she think that i not famous enough?

her naffnang hits are like 600+ mine is like 100+

kai's blog is famous too..food blog too..

portfolio, not done yet..

sianz~!!!

i'm so sick of life.. 

and i really need a person to talk to..