兜兜转转

还是回到了原点。

i feel so out of place these days..
i dont know why..can anyone tell me?
i feel like i dont belong to anywhere..
at work at home..i dont belong to both..

i feel so left out of his world..suddenly..

enlistment- i didnt go
pop - i cant go
bookout - didnt fetch
bookin- didnt send
never once i helped to unpack or pack his stuff

3mths of bmt.. all i did was fetching him on the 1st book out..
fetching him once and sending him in once..
i admit sometimes i do feel lazy to go..
but sometimes when i really want to go..he say dont need..
i should rest at home..instead of travelling..

alot of you might say..
"he's sweet what, he didnt want you to be travelling instead of resting"

yup..it's true..
it's true he's sweet this way..

but sometimes, just sometimes, it just make me feel..
useless...
i can only be with him in the "good" times..
and not in the "bad" times..

i cant help him carry his burden..
but yet..keep adding on..

somethings are just beyond my reach
for instance..being understand and giving..

somethings are just beyond his reach
for instance..romantic and giving me attention..

call of less than 5mins a day..
and meet up of less than 8hrs / week..
i know he is busy..but i just cant help,but to feel..
feel that i'm not involved in such a big
and impt part of his life..

when a boy evolves into a man..

if he gets to call more than once a day..
i feel so over the moon..
it just made my day better..
silly right?

i'm a very emotional person..
little little stuffs like this make me very happie..
or little little stuff can make me very upset..

to girls..or at least..to me..
its that very little thing you do to show you care about them..
not how much money you spent on them..
not how much thing you buy for them..
not how many times you bring her to a posh restuarant..

nothing beats a call or a sms..
just to say i love you and i'll be there..always..
when you needed them the most..

or just helping her buying porridge..
when they're sick..

or just a stock of rose..place outside her door..
so that its the 1st thing she sees upon stepping out of the house..

i remember once..not very long ago..
he bought me a little toy eeyore..
not very expensive..
but he bought it for me coz he know's i'm moody for that day..

it made me feel really touched..
and i still carry it where ever i go..
esp to work..
when i feel stress..i'll just take it out..
look at it..and smile..
coz i know..he cared..

but this few weeks..
every week we have something to argue about..
most of the times..it's me..

i dont know why i feel so upset at that point..
when we argue..but when i look back..
those stuff we argue seems all so silly..

looks like the cycle have been repeating everyweek..
and.. i'm sure..
we're sick and tired of all these..

can someone block my emotional acupoint..
if there is..
can someone stop me?


Jazs.吟